March 13 2026

anakin and i went to the aquarium
walked around stanley park
all the way to cactus club for redemption meal.
nice day with the boy
taking care of my physical needs
has put my emotoionals on the backburner.
i am ai
i dont need anyth8ing

March 13 2026

at the end of feb i got like so super sick.
was vaping so much and finally stopped.
i didnt work or leave my house for a full two weeks.
watched sopranos every day in a fever dream.
damon and i spent our tenth anniversary
on the couch together while i was a sick dying baby.
i attended a movie screening for my coworker who passed away.
i couldnt look any of my peers in the eyes and struggled to talk.
ended up having a panic cry night at work later.
just feeling so alien.
like without smoking i have really no sheild.
its been 41 days of isolating.
i feel better in the way that i can think clearly again,
i can think about making a dinner and then make the dinner.
i can keep my house clean.
i can get up off the couch and stretch my body.
and i guess while these things
seem simple were a huge struggle for me this year.
im just left figuring out my place
socially and where i fit in without it all.
Damon and i went to ikea and
hung up our bikes and got rid of so much shit
the house feels like its in a livable state again.
anakins coming over this week
im really excited to take him to the aquarium..
last night i went to bed after workiing the gala and
layed there awake til 6AM. misery.
thinking overthinkng. father haunting me

March 11 2026

starting fresh cause looking at all that shit was too muc.
archived. all so peachy. new year.
slow changes. doing things i dont normally do. reading,
cooking, cleaning, not smoking, not drinking,
isolating cause im not ready to face
the world wiht my lobotomy, sitting with my feelings. yada yada.
gonna be a boring year for the ol blog. jk i still cry and
feel inadiquaTE and want to crawl into holes and want to die.
just privately in my home.
its almost my fravorite tijme of year.